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Lawyers voted greater than creator

Nazi? Stalinist? Maoist? or just plain over the top Nasty and Narcissistic?

Or would you say its just a bunch of naughty boys and girls being naughty boys and girls? Fancy just a little bit of harmless fun with these folks, anybody?

Believe it or not but the following is a 100% accurate transcript of the cover page featured report titled “Lawyers voted greater than creator” that appears on page 22 of the Victorian Law Institute Journal for June 2009.

Perhaps you are among this year’s intake of 100,000 fresh Australian families that will be processed by the Family Court of Australia / Family Law Division of the Federal Magistrates Court of Australia. If so, you will no doubt have many causes to wonder why your basic legal and human rights and dignities are being so wholesale violated in a legal system built, owned, and operated by and for lawyers, in ways far worse than any of the evil court room parodies imagined by the likes of Lewis Carroll or Charles Dickens.

Perhaps the following, in the prestigious words of the Law Institute of Victoria Limited ACN 075 475 731‘s own glossy monthly magazine, penned by one of its own staff lawyers will help explain to you what the real deal is, and what your real situation is, and help you to see your real place in the lawyers great scheme of miscreation.



Out of the chaotic universe, according to the Bible’s Book of Genesis, God created the heavens and earth.

But the 850-strong crowd for the annual Legal Comedy Debate was asked, who do you think created chaos in the first place?

That’s right, lawyers.

Six passionate members of the profession debated the topic “Lawyers or God: Who do you want on your side?” at the Athenaeum Theatre on 20 April.

Doing God’s work were LIV vice-president and Caroline Counsel Family Lawyers principal Caroline Counsel and barristers John Willis and Rohan Hoult.

For the “dogs of Satan”, as Mr Willis dubbed the lawyers, stood barristers Darren Mort, Rachel Doyle and Phillip Dunn QC.

Moderator was comedian and ex-lawyer Yianni Agisilaou, an event regular.

Mr Mort opened with the chaos line above before continuing his argument to the tune of Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start the Fire, and had some reaching for the rosary beads when joined by three brassiere-flashing back-up singers.

Next on the side of the lawyers was Ms Doyle, whose succinct argument began with the fact that “[Lawyers] exist” and ended with “and lawyers are just as mysterious, wonderful and capable of performing miracles.”

Finally, it was Mr Dunn QC, who was even once called to the alter to represent God himself.

That “God” being former Geelong VFL/AFL Champion Gary Ablett senior.

It is a no-brainer. [When in trouble] do you say ‘please God, get me out of this and I’ll be good?” he said.

Or do you say, get me Robert Richter [QC]? [Besides] God has only taken on one case, it was 2000 years ago, it was for his only son and he lost.”

Ms Counsel got the audience involved before stating that while Jesus fed the masses, you could not get a free meal out of a lawyer.

Similarly, Mr Willis said the gods were never boring with scripture, temples, miracles, sex and death and that no piece of legislation compared to the Bible or Koran.

Finally, while Mr Hoult left the audience in stitches, little of what he said could be reproduced in a family publication such as the LIJ.

In a close-ish call, God lost out as the crowd decided they would rather have lawyers than the Almighty on their side.

The debate, part of the Melbourne Comedy Festival, is a popular and well-anticipated LIV Young Lawyers’ Section annual event.”

(Photos and name of author-lawyer-journalist withheld).

[Source: [2009] LIJ June 2009, page 22]

That’s it, word for word, from the lawyers mouths, so to speak. 

Does this little piece “fun” sicken you as much as it sickens me? Check out my blog piece on my theatre play (currently being adapted as a screenplay, “The Crucible”).  You will see that you, and half a million more Australians every year (300,000 of them children) are not alone.

Perhaps reading these accounts, or a (and I hope not) a recent “first hand” experience of lawyers practising their “law-craft” on you and your loved ones, has left you with what psychiatrists recognise as an (often fatal and usually irreversible) case of “Lawyer Abuse Distress Syndrome”.  

If so, don’t get angry (or sicker). Write a protest letter to the Law Institute of Victoria Limited and its Chief Executive Officer, Mr Michael Brett-Young, Law Institute of Victoria Limited, 470 Bourke Street, Melbourne Victoria 3000, Facsimile: +613 9602 5270 || Email: || Telephone: +613 9670 9311.

Be sure to send a copy of your letter to the Law Institute of Victoria’s President, Ms Caroline Counsel of Caroline Counsel Family Lawyers, Level 2, 262 Latrobe Street, Melbourne Victoria Australia 3000, Facsimile: +613 9328 2423 || Email: || Telephone: +613 9320 3900.

Be sure to send them both a copy of this blog piece and tell them that James Johnson, Independent Federal Candidate for Lalor, Constitutional Human Rights Advocate, Solicitor and Barrister of the High Court of Australia (Celebrating 20 Years of Legal Practice 1990 – 2010), sent you.

And please be sure to send me a copy of your letter, along with any thoughts that you have on this piece, so that I can express your concerns by actioning them with the appropriate (real) legal authorities. My contact details are: James Johnson, Independent Federal Candidate for Lalor. PO Box 6137 Point Cook Victoria Australia 3030 || Email: || or write me a comment here on my blog at 

About JamesJohnsonCHR

Constitutional Human Rights Lawyer & Independent Federal Candidate for Lalor (Commonwealth of Australia). Advocating Smaller, Open Governments with Lower Taxes and Smaller, Faster, Better Bureaucracy. Also Advocating Justice & Politics Reforms. Defending Families & Civil Rights and Freedoms. I also blog at

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